The Road to Greater Resilience
By Nigel Brown
Why do some individuals experience life changing and challenging events and cope, bounce back, regroup and carry-on,
while others succumb… becoming emotionally spent, depressed and even psychologically paralysed?
We are all born with resiliency in varying strengths. The good news is that we can build up our natural resilience
to better sustain ourselves, stay ‘in the game’ and move forward effectively.
Resilience is particularly important in the second half of life. As we age we become more vulnerable to more
frequent events that threaten to wear us down from the loss of a spouse or friend, chronic illness to a relationship
change. And, if we are experiencing the “letdown” phase of retirement – following the post-work-relief euphoria…resiliency
will help us as we find our new way.
The experience of ‘going through’ is something Kurt Hahn, founder of Outward Bound, captured in his international
programs. They have a saying: "If you can't get out of it, get into it." That is, if you can't evade the
circumstances you are in, if the issue won't die, if the storm or the injury or the lack of equipment won't
disappear, face it… throw yourself at it… turn your full attention to it and take responsibility for what you
do have control over.
In order to experience growth, we need to face a challenge head-on and feel supported in the process. This
support can be found by developing a personal ‘sounding board’ of people we trust, who will listen well, and
offer courageous conversation to help us to regroup and carry-on.
A large part of becoming more resilient is the art of thinking more accurately. Thinking accurately is distinct
from thinking positively. Given a particular event are you able to identify the most likely cause of the impact
and feelings you experience - and then, the most likely action to ensure a successful outcome? If you are inclined
to become caught-up in the emotional aspects, thinking accurately becomes more of a challenge.
Our thinking becomes less accurate when adversity strikes. In the moment we can panic, our stress levels increase
dramatically and suddenly we experience an incredible emotional shift. Our thoughts are now driving our feelings
and actions. If we have learnt a set of resiliency skills or strategies, these can be implemented to solve the
issue far more effectively.
Great Reads for the Open Road
The Road Less Travelled, Scott Peck, M.D
The Resilience Factor, Drs. Karen Reivich and Andrew Shatté
Nigel Brown is a certified coach and facilitator. He works with individuals and corporations on ‘second life’
issues.
www.lifeplanningmatters.com
